Being watched no longer bothers me because it used to be my ..
Added 2023-01-22 05:07:08 +0000 UTCBeing watched no longer bothers me because it used to be my biggest fear. I was so insecure in my skin that being perceived as I truly was felt dangerous. Growing up weird in the 90s was different. We were on the edge of having it easier, but still a lot of neurodivergent roadblocks along the way. So my coping mechanism was to study. To become the best masker I could be. How do humans walk, talk, emote, deal with said emotions, etc. etc. I ended up doing more intentional research than the average individual - which gave me a lot more self awareness than I was born with. In using that to move through the various stages of self image and beyond that, having it captured, it's become an extension of that process. At one time I could only be witnessed performing - if I remained as in control of the outcome as possible. Then that got boring. Or easy. Or both. And my desire to capture less pretty moments began to emerge. Somehow those moments ended up being the most beautiful though.
